Don't Make Assumptions: Reflections on the Third Toltec Agreement
In the previous two posts, I reflected on the first two Toltec agreements that Don Miguel Ruiz Jr. presented in his inspiring talk organize by East West Books anf Gift.
In the first part, I talked about the agreement "Be impeccable with your words," where we explored the importance of speaking with integrity and how our words affect both others and ourselves. In the second part, I reflected the agreement "Don't take anything personally," a powerful reminder that what others do and say is a reflection of their own experiences, not our personal worth.
Today I continue with the third agreement: Don't make assumptions.
We don't have to assume that we know the thoughts and intentions of others. We have have the courage to ask questions, be curious, and understand the "why" of others. We have to willing to express and ask for what we desire, without beating around the bush, more directly.
We have to communicate as clearly as possible with everyone around us (including ourselves). Clear communication will help us avoid unnecessary dramas and misunderstandings.
How many wars do you think we could avoid if each side were willing to let go of their assumptions? How many relationships could be saved simply if one person became curious and asked questions... with a true willingness to understand the other? Many.
Not making assumptions is a call for transparency in our relationships. By abandoning guesses and opting for clarity, we build bridges of understanding that strengthen our connections with others and ourselves.
Before closing, I would like to share an interesting exercise that Don Miguel Ruiz Jr. had us do in a group, where none of the group members should know us. The exercise consisted of asking and answering the following questions:
What does "domestication" mean to you? How does domestication impact you? It was a very inspiring and revealing moment for each person in my group.
For me, domestication is those beliefs that we acquire since birth, many that allow us to move forward, but many others that are limiting. Without realizing it, we get trapped in them by cultural, religious, social, and family influences. The first time I read "The Four Agreements," I felt many limiting beliefs that were preventing me from moving forward as I wanted in my life disappear. It also allowed me to realize the negative impact these beliefs had on me.
I invite you to do this exercise, whether you have read the book or not. Ask yourself these questions and, if you feel like it, share your answers in the comments or send me a direct message (DM). Putting into words what we feel often helps to heal. At least that's how it works for me.
I appreciate your comments and own reflections on the topic. Feel free to share this post with those you think may find it useful.
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